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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|